-Heard on the Wind–

“I’m looking for the calving tour?”
“Calving what?
“Glaciers, of course”
•••••
“Where is the McDonald’s in town?”
“Sorry, we have no restaurant chains in town,” replied a local store clerk.
The tourist was perplexed.
“Do you SEE any golden arches?” responded the local.
•••••
Woman to Postmaster: “ Boy, they sure put you at the end of the street!”
“Yup, ‘bout a hundred years ago...”
Man accompanying woman sighs, shakes his head and turns to look out window.
•••••
On an overcast morning on Broadway, a tourist admired the floral display in front of a store. “Wow, look how beautiful those flowers are. I wonder how they do that with no sunshine.”
•••••
Heard on the Wind—in Haines: After driving a rented car rather rapidly to an abrupt halt at the end of the Chilkoot Lake Road, some Transylvanian European tourists asked, “Where is town?”  After being told it was the direction they had come from, he asked, “Where is New York?”
•••••
From the visitor center:
1. A lady came into to complain that additional headstones had appeared in the Carcross cemetery. She said she was a genealogist and that some people had no appreciation of cemeteries.
2. A woman came in to enquire where the Jewish Gardens were.
•••••
A tourist was in the Post Office and asked if she could borrow a pen from a resident.  The local obliged.  The tourist then proceeded to open up a bag full of blank post cards and began to write...and write...and write.... The local finally just left. The writer never even looked up.
•••••
A visitor on the dock complained about how long the walk was to the train (maybe 100 yards). The conductor gave his usual explanation that Alaska is a big state. The visitor replied that he was from Texas. The conductor replied that Alaska was three times the size of Texas. The visitor walked away toward the train in a huff.
•••••
A man walked into the News Depot, picked up a near perfect copy of the Sunday New York Times and commented that it must be in “Skagway condition.”
He then asked how the papers get here, and was told they are flown in by plane every day.
“Well, the last plane must have been a float plane,” he said.
“No, all the planes are regular planes,” replied the clerk.
“Is there an airport in town?”
“Yes.”
“You mean an airport where planes can land on the ground?”
The man bought the paper and left.
•••••
A visitor asked two Newsie boys if they were brothers. In unison, one answered, “Yes” and the other answered “No.” The visitor still took a paper, but the boys missed a tip.

Word of advice from the Windy One – get your stories straight, then take a deep breath, then let it blow!