SASQUATCH WAKE-UP BREW

Sippin’ Sasquatch co-owner Alexis Grieser serves up a white chocolate mocha with a signature bigfoot stamp cup. See the first installment of our annual "What's New and Different?" feature in our June print editions. - Aimee O’Connor

HEARD ON THE WIND

A day in the life of a clothing store, where pants are essential:
The day started with a customer returning his pants because they split from the waistband to the knee - and he traded them in for the same size??
Next - a clerk assisted a customer buying her husband a belt, which she indicated she would like to use to strangle him with. Apparently, she told him he needed a new belt for the cruise and he wouldn't buy one. The belt broke while going through security, and when she looked back to see what was taking him so long, his pants were down to his knees. She hurried through security.
Last one of the day – a customer rushed in and said: “I need underwear!” Then turned around to expose the big hole in his pants revealing a hairy back-side.
Clerk replied: “Yes, you do!”
•••••••
In the same store, a man looking to be close to 90 years old came up to the girls at the counter and said, "Would you gals like to see my pride and joy?"
They said, “sure, why not?” and he opened his wallet and inside was a photo of a bottle of Joy dish soap next to a bottle of Pride furniture wax.
He said, "Impressed right? You should see my kids.”
He then flips to the next photo, which is of two baby goats.
“Yeah, it gave us a laugh at 9 a.m. on a 10,000 person ship day,” the clerk said.
•••••••
A local resident overhead a couple having a conversation on 5th Avenue.
“Backcountry Outfitters? That’s not for us. We’re not backcountry.”
Curious, the resident asked, “Where are you going?”
“Sugar Mama’s.”

More please, the windy one can’t get on Facebook all the time to see that “dumb things tourist say” or whatever it is called. Those will never end up in a book anyway. Only quality wind gets published, so send it right here to skagnews@aptalaska.net or drop off in the bookstore, where the giggles and the candy are true. Each entry gets entered in our monthly drawing too!